Urbina Sentenced to 14 Years in Prison

Milwaukee Brewers contract with no-trade clause to expire in 2021.

(Associated Press.)

Soccer Star Mia Hamm Welcomes Twin Girls

While the babies' names have not yet been revealed, baseball star Nomar Garciaparra has been renamed "Chopped Liver."

(People.)

UNC women overcome Latta injury

But soon must pay Tunza medical bill.

(Sports Illustrated.)

'Punk'd' ending after eight seasons

Ashton Kutcher still waiting for someone to run out and tell him it's just a prank.

(CNN.)

Report: North Korea Asks Russia to Write Off $8.8B Debt

Pending approval, snarky headline blogger will ask Sallie Mae for forgiveness of comparable student loans.

(Fox News.)

Airline Moves Dead Body to 1st Class

Flight attendants then realize alive passenger is Abe Vigoda.

(Associated Press.)

Cate Blanchett joins cast of 'Indy 4'

Set to wheel around Dr. Jones and his I.V. unit as giant boulder accelerates toward them.

(Entertainment Weekly.)

Halliburton to Move Headquarters to Dubai

Company had run out of space in Dick Cheney's living room.

(Fox News.)

Man Saves Bulldog With Mouth-to-Snout Resuscitation

Touchstone Pictures greenlights 'Turner & Hooch' sequel.

(Fox News.)

Georgia Republic Boosts Troop Levels in Iraq to 2,000

Banana Republic has more troops wearing camoflauge there.

(Fox News.)

Jason Lee to star in Chipmunks movie

Tentative title: 'My Name Is ALLLLVIIIIN!'

(Entertainment Weekly.)

Comic Book Hero Captain America Dies

A nation copes with loss... of interest.

(Associated Press.)

Ernest Gallo, 97, Founder of Winery, Dies

No word on how long the vintage 1909 will ferment.

(The New York Times.)

Looking for the 'Idol' contestant who has 'it'

'It' meaning talent. (Too easy? Too easy.)

(CNN.)

Bausch & Lomb Recalls 1.5M Bottles of Contact Lens Solution

Bottles had been mislabeled 'Contact Lens Problem'

(Fox News.)

CIA Steps Up Hunt for Bin Laden

After awakening from five-year coma, told 2008 elections are fast approaching.

(Fox News.)

In their TV tastes, the rich are different

But in every other category, they're just like the poor.

(Media Life Magazine.)

Whitaker, Hudson win Image awards

But enough about the Oscars.

(CNN.)

Patriots interested in dealing for Moss

Moss interested in dealing for weed.

(Sports Illustrated.)

Nets Add to Their Insecurity Before Long Trip

Jason Kidd tells teammates they 'look fat' in uniform.

(The New York Times.)

The driverless car: Coming sooner than we thought

And heading RIGHT FOR US!

(CNN.)

Jockey charged in sex crime

Victim: 'Neigh means neigh.'

Punchline courtesy of M.R. (ESPN.)

Geico cavemen could star in TV series

Baby Bob throws temper tantrum.

(CNN.)

John Belushi, 25 years gone

Jim Belushi, 25 years too many.

(CNN.)