Mime legend Marcel Marceau dies

Silent eulogy to recall times he got trapped in clear box and walked down imaginary steps.

(CNN.)

Decades After a Ford Plant Closes, Waste Remains

EPA says plant contaminated with hundreds of Probes and Pintos.

(The New York Times.)

Levi's sues the pants off of Polo

Polo mulls sexual assault counter suit.

(CNN.)

Selig Will Watch Bonds Go for Record

Slugger signs with Aftermath; "desperately" wants collaboration with Clay Aiken.

(The New York Times.)

Improvement in Life Seen in Sub-Saharan Africa

Crew relieved after captain says he'll stop naming submarines ironically.

(The New York Times.)

102-Year-Old Calif. Woman Hits Hole-in-1

Brags that it's more impressive than 1-year-old hitting Hole-in-102.

(Associated Press.)

Mayo sparks U.S. junior team past World Select

World Select asks to speak to manager, insists order was to 'hold the Mayo.'

(Sports Illustrated)

Famous clown gets tiny bike back

Anonymous clowns still in search of dignity.

Headline courtesy of Elephant Larry's Geoff Haggerty. (CNN.)

Urbina Sentenced to 14 Years in Prison

Milwaukee Brewers contract with no-trade clause to expire in 2021.

(Associated Press.)

Soccer Star Mia Hamm Welcomes Twin Girls

While the babies' names have not yet been revealed, baseball star Nomar Garciaparra has been renamed "Chopped Liver."

(People.)

UNC women overcome Latta injury

But soon must pay Tunza medical bill.

(Sports Illustrated.)

'Punk'd' ending after eight seasons

Ashton Kutcher still waiting for someone to run out and tell him it's just a prank.

(CNN.)

Report: North Korea Asks Russia to Write Off $8.8B Debt

Pending approval, snarky headline blogger will ask Sallie Mae for forgiveness of comparable student loans.

(Fox News.)

Airline Moves Dead Body to 1st Class

Flight attendants then realize alive passenger is Abe Vigoda.

(Associated Press.)

Cate Blanchett joins cast of 'Indy 4'

Set to wheel around Dr. Jones and his I.V. unit as giant boulder accelerates toward them.

(Entertainment Weekly.)

Halliburton to Move Headquarters to Dubai

Company had run out of space in Dick Cheney's living room.

(Fox News.)

Man Saves Bulldog With Mouth-to-Snout Resuscitation

Touchstone Pictures greenlights 'Turner & Hooch' sequel.

(Fox News.)

Georgia Republic Boosts Troop Levels in Iraq to 2,000

Banana Republic has more troops wearing camoflauge there.

(Fox News.)

Jason Lee to star in Chipmunks movie

Tentative title: 'My Name Is ALLLLVIIIIN!'

(Entertainment Weekly.)

Comic Book Hero Captain America Dies

A nation copes with loss... of interest.

(Associated Press.)

Ernest Gallo, 97, Founder of Winery, Dies

No word on how long the vintage 1909 will ferment.

(The New York Times.)

Looking for the 'Idol' contestant who has 'it'

'It' meaning talent. (Too easy? Too easy.)

(CNN.)

Bausch & Lomb Recalls 1.5M Bottles of Contact Lens Solution

Bottles had been mislabeled 'Contact Lens Problem'

(Fox News.)

CIA Steps Up Hunt for Bin Laden

After awakening from five-year coma, told 2008 elections are fast approaching.

(Fox News.)

In their TV tastes, the rich are different

But in every other category, they're just like the poor.

(Media Life Magazine.)

Whitaker, Hudson win Image awards

But enough about the Oscars.

(CNN.)